Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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