I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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