sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
It's like God shit irony all over that family
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize