Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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