So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
