My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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