just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
