I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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