if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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