she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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