I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
