She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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