So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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