even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
