do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
