I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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