He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize