Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
