New invention idea: vibrating tampons
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Still dying that you shit outside
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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