I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
