hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
