She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
