I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Randomize
