can u get pink eye on your cock?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
