Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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