Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize