Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Randomize
