you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
