I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
