fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
