My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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