Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
