they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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