Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
