Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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