Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
