Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Text me some of your sweat
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
