the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I have tasted many bathrooms
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
