i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
