I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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