Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
