My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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