with your own penis?
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
