So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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