In America we eat man semen.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
