I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
