I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
