i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
