Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
