I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
