Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
