he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
