I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
