Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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