Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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