I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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