no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
