This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
