who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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