he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
