Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
