I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
