I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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