why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize