She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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