I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I got chris browned last night
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize