I cockslap morals
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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