I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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