I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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