none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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