as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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