Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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