I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
