I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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