seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize