your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
