I'm gonna have a badass scar
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
