We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
