I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
