Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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