yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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