I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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