I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
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