Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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