Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
