I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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