how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
