Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
